"What if 2026 felt calm and focused?"

Dave White

19 Jan 2026 — 1 min read

I opened my email this morning to a message from a tea company I've ordered from before. They wanted to remind me to buy some more matcha. I appreciate these little reminders. I am indeed about to run out of matcha, after all. The title of this post was the email's subject line.

Anyway, I like this company. The matcha is good. They have never tried to stoke my anxiety over current events with any sort of matcha promises. But today they chose to be obnoxious wellness freaks.

Because you know something, internet matcha business? I WOULD LOVE IT IF 2026 FELT MORE CALM AND FOCUSED BUT GUESS FUCKING WHAT? IT DOES NOT.

There is no tea on the planet that will actually calm and focus you. Not even the ones with reportedly soothing shit in them like chamomile and lavender.

There is only anti-anxiety medication and Pop-Tarts. Fuck outta here.

[Photo credit: Me. Dude on the mug is the irony-poisoned Mr. Delicious from Rax. Oh, and PS. I have no idea how to size a photo and anyone who knows how to help me, please chime in. Thank you.]

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